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Tue, Mar. 15th, 2005, 03:04 pm
erinysdaughter: too much mommy

My 14 year old daughter is pregnant...3 months now.  It's been an amazing ride since the day we found out. But mostly I have to keep my emotions in check in order to head off everybody elses.Lots to decide now...to keep the baby, or not. She wants to keep the baby, and so does the babies father, but they are so young, and I am not convinced they are making the decision in the best interests of everyone. I've enrolled Amanda in a teen pregnant/parent program at her school. It teaches the class work, but also lamaze classes, nutrition, how to care for babies, etc. Amanda is still bringing home A schoolwork. But being pregnant is the easy part, as we all know too well.
The school has offered the use of a computerized baby. It looks and acts just like a real infant, and everything is recorded electronically by a chip in the baby which lets you know how well you responded to all the babies needs and noises. I think her and the baby's father should try this thing out for a week.
I am so stressed over it all. I worry I am going to be stuck with all the responsibility. My daughter's dad isn't even paying child support for her, and now we have to try and take care of another one? And I honestly do not see the babiy's father as sticking around too long once the baby is here. I hope he proves me wrong. And Amanda is staying in school. She needs her education, and she will graduate when she is supposed to.
So that leaves it all on me....and I am so stressed about it all. I do not need this in my life right now. I can barely take care of myself right now...I get disability for mental disorders. Financially we are always scraping by.  I just don't know how we are going to make this work.. And of course i feel guilty, because this poor baby didn't ask for all this either.
I could ramble on and on, but I am exhausted. I guess I just put this out there to hear if anyone else has been through this, or knows someone.
I didn't put it behind a cut cuz I wasn't sure. If you think I should, just say so and I'll make sure I do next time. ^^

Thu, Mar. 17th, 2005 06:09 am (UTC)
chitchatkat: It takes a village

I'm so sorry to read about the situation with your daughter. I wasn't a really young mother, but I know how hard it is to be a single mother. I just couldn't imagine my son getting a girl pregnant in just a few short years and the burden of responsibility is so much greater for the girl and her family.

You mentioned the possibility of her terminating the pregnancy, and sometimes that is the best decision given the options. However, the longer she carries the baby, the harder it will be to consider that as an option. Have you talked with the boy's parents? Do you think they will help financially? (I'm assuming the boy is young as well and would have a hard time paying child support, etc.)

What about adoption? I have a friend who was adopted herself and when she became pregnant at a young age, she chose to give her daughter up for adoption since it had worked out so well for her. (She met her birth mother, who was very poor and had 3 other children and was so glad that she was given to a family that could raise and support her in a stable environment.) She still keeps in touch with the family that is raising her daughter and she has a relationship with her, too.

I know that it will be a difficult decision, whatever you and your daughter decide. She is lucky to have you there to help support her and I wish you both the best.

Thu, Oct. 6th, 2005 01:07 am (UTC)
samsmom1125: keeping the baby

I would like to encourage you to HANG IN THERE. I know you feel you're at the end of your rope. But this precious one is your grandchild and deserves a shot. At least put it up for adoption. I don't know if abortion is an option in your opinion, but it just causes so much long term emotional damage. Soooo much guilt. Just imagine when that new baby comes how precious he or she will be to hold and love. There's always a way....